5 Ways to Help a Loved One Grieving the Loss of a Child
When someone you care about loses a child, you may be at a loss for words and have no idea what to do next.
That is understandable and there are ways you can support them to show that you are there. Not offering any support could be hurtful toward your loved one. It is essential to acknowledge their loss and provide support in any way you can. Let them know that the RAISE Your Hearts family is there for them and check our helpful tips below:
Reach out.
Let the griever know that you are thinking of them with a phone call or text after you hear about the loss, and reach out to them whenever they pop into your mind. Something as simple as sending a heart emoji can let them know they are in your thoughts. Don’t shy away from mentioning the child’s name. Sharing even the smallest of memories is a beautiful thing to do for your loved one. Steer clear of platitudes such as “Everything happens for a reason”, “It’s God’s will”, or “Life is a mystery”. Instead, focus on acknowledging their unique grief journey while gently sharing hope and support. Consider something like "This is hard and I just wanted to say you are a wonderful Mama to [baby’s name].”
Mark your calendar.
Small gestures go a long way. Send a card or flowers, text or call them during the holidays. On milestones for their child such as birthdays or the anniversary of the loss, offer to leave your calendar open to sit with them or deliver a meal. Be flexible and open to their unique way of grieving. They may need you even more after the first few weeks and months, when other people may stop calling.
Offer support.
Provide meals or help with household chores and errands. Be specific so as not to transfer the burden to the bereaved. For example, you can start a meal train, where several people rotate cooking a meal for a while. There are websites that will help you organize meal trains and other ways to help out as well. These efforts can reduce some of the stress on your loved one. You can also ask if they just want to talk as you listen or if they would like for you to sit with them as they ride their feelings or want silence without solitude.
Show Up.
Do your best to be there for the services, and if that is not possible, send a sympathy card to show that you acknowledge the loss. It is important to do something as uncomfortable as it may feel. Oftentimes, support drastically decreases shortly after the services. Continuing to show up consistently for their grief journey by marking your calendar, continuing to offer practical support, and showing that you are always willing to listen can be a huge source of comfort for someone who is grieving.
Process your feelings.
Process your feelings about the loss so you can best serve your loved one. This loss makes no sense and it can be extremely challenging watching the ones you love go through this. Do not minimize your loss, compare your experiences, or judge how you or others are grieving. Know that grief is not linear for you or whomever you are supporting through this journey and therefore feelings cannot be rushed. Staying strong is both feeling your feelings and choosing to be there for your loved one.
We cannot fix grief, nor are we meant to. But we can be present for their lifelong grief journey. Choosing to rally around other families navigating grief is no small task but it’s a worthwhile one that offers an opportunity to create a healthy grief journey for both you and your loved ones.
That said, supporting someone who is grieving is hard work and it may be worth exploring other support options out there. If they are feeling ready and interested, you can help them find a local or online support group specific to their loss, search for a medical professional in their network, or suggest books that could help them cope. If you have another good tip, we would love to hear it as it may support someone else who is grieving. Please send it to us at info@raiseyourhearts.org.
